THE TWELVE COMMANDMENTS OF TWEETVILLE

TWITTERI decided to embark on this journey around tweetville a couple of years ago, I had spent many years in facebooktopia and had made a good name for myself, the villagers were friendly and life was good, I had become a very successful post and picture trader, earning am average of 130 comments and likes per post and picture, and this had made me quite loved and respected, but as all humans were, I craved more.

I would take long walks to the edge of facebooktopia, and stare far into the hinter land wondering if there was more out there for, I would ask questions to the wind, but alas my questions would only come back to me, without answers.

I arose one early morning and it was decided, facebooktopia could not be the only inhabitance in this realm, there had to be more, and so I decided the visit the googlegue, the one place I knew I would get the answers I sought, and I was right, after performing the necessary rituals, I was granted access to a vast array of information, I was shown lands I never knew existed, cultures and civilizations that appeared alien to me, and to say I was excited was an understatement, there and then I decided to make a map and embark on an unexpected journey, but first I needed to study these new world indept.

First was Nairalandia, they were said to be a very wise race, accommodating at first, but very critical of outsiders, they were known to be great warriors and it was written they had conquered all their enemies with brute force, they took no prisoners, and it was also written that many who had attempted journeys of conquest were never heard from again, and so I decided strongly against journeying to that land.

The next was Linkedinwe, it was written that they were also a wise race, a people raised for the soul purpose of occupational and business pursuits, a network of scholars, who would sit all day and discuss their various achievements and work endeavors, they had very little time to socialize, and were known to be snobbish and proud, I needed no one to tell me that this was not a place for me, although I was willing to consider journeying that way in the near future to establish business channels should my other journeys fail, and so I looked on.

The next was Badooria, and to say I was horrified was putting it mildly, it was written that it was a place without laws, a place where sexual crimes went unchecked, the people only had one thing in mind, and it had nothing to do with self-development, they would sit around all day simply trading sexual favors for financial returns, it was indeed worrisome to read, and I would have to decide I was going solely into the sex trade before venturing into such lands, and so I continued to unlook.

I came across a strange land, quite colorful, quite alluring, a land where everyone and everything was beautiful, a land where there was no hunger, no war, no sickness, this land was called Instagramwe, the streets were paved with gold, the taps flowed with honey, everybody lived in great castles on islands surrounding by flowing streams of clear water, the cuisine was exquisite, the chariots of the finest quality, I was already smitten, and day dreamed of settling in such a land, but as I read on, it became clear to me, its people had over time perfected the art of self-deceit, and in reality, the streets were neither paved with gold nor the rivers flowing with honey, the inhabitants of Instagramwe always chose to see their beloved land as the fabled sugar candy mountain, of course I quickly woke up from my day dream and searched further.

I read through the scrolls stored in the googlegue, and found two more distant lands, there was pintrestamia and foursquarebique, and for the first time the scrolls in the googlegue had very little information, it was simply written that the inhabitants just stood around all day staring at each, surely that would be the last place I would ever try to journey to, and so I searched on.

I searched through the scroll, and just as I was about to give up, I saw it, a land where you could be who you wanted to be regardless of what others thought, a land where everybody was an authority on all topics known to man, despite the fact that you had never been schooled on such topics, a land where everybody had the opportunity to become a tribal lord over a village, this land was called TWEETVILLE, alas my search was over, I had found it, I thanked the celestial internetia beings for granting us the googlegue and hurried back to my page in facebooktpia, to the administrator I offered my timeline, and thus performed the deactivatcum ritual.

Early the next morning I set out of my journey, I was determined to conquer tweetville and more than anything, I would become, the lord over my own tribe.

I arrived, with all the enthusiasm I could muster, I acquired a handledhut, as they called their places of residence, and tried to settle in, but I must say it was harder than I thought, it was such a culture shock from what I had been accustomed to, back in facebooktopia, the people were warm, and slow paced, the villagers always sat together and discussed very matters and reached conclusions, they were polite and treated everyone with equality and civility, but I learned quickly in tweetville that the reverse was the case, here you would always see people with various weapons as though expecting a war to break out, and it usually did, the silence at dawn was never an assurance that the night sky would not be colored with blood, there were constant battles, and even the soldiers had abandoned their posts for fear of being made examples of for trying to maintain law and order, the worst part of it all were the constant battles between the tribal lords, they always declared war on one another, and while some attempted to forge some form of alliance, word would always reach us of some sort of a betrayal, I learned quickly that it was wiser to remain as an individual citizen, than attempt an alliance with any tribe, because blind conformity was the order, and woe betide you for going contrary to the words of the tribal lord, you were quickly ostracized and the tribe members would carry out a public stoning.

And so I decided to observe the inhabitants of my new home, I arrived tweetville as an adventurer, but I gradually found myself being converted into a scholar, and so every day I would cloak myself and observe, until one day I came across an oracle, an oracle that would change my entire journey, and this oracle showed me a prophesy, a prophesy that foretold the arrival of stranger from a distant land, a stranger who would be ordained the priest and the guardian of the oracle, and the priest will be given the commandments, on which tweetville shall be governed, and so I removed my cloak, and was covered with the robes of the priest, and was led into the caves of tweetville, and after 12days I emerged with the twelve commandments of tweetville.

  • Thou shalt add value in everything thou choosest to post
  • Thou shalt not complain or criticize without seeking solution or taking action
  • Thou shalt not complain about their places of work, thine business or customers, for they also possess handehuts
  • Thou shall always take thy time before thou answereth tweets
  • Thou shall not be stupid in tweetville
  • Thou shall never tweet secrets in tweetville
  • Thou shall only tweet about religion, politics, sex, and other, unless these are the foundations on which your tribe is built
  • Thou shall never tweet about thy love life, sexual conquest, lunch plans, dates, bodily functions, sleeping habits, or anything that does not add value to the lives of your tribe members
  • Thou shall respect and regard members of your tribe and members of other tribes
  • Thou shall not follow, and once followed, decide to stop following a tribe member
  • Thou shall not steal a tribe members tweets
  • Thou shall not destroy handlehuts

These commandments have been written for all to see, and for the wise the understand and adhere to, I wish you well, and from the mountain tops of tweetville I salute you and say, long live tweetville.

Written By Arome Ameh ( The Priest)

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “THE TWELVE COMMANDMENTS OF TWEETVILLE

  1. Bunmi says:

    Hehehehe you forgot to add Hi5 and Nigeriavillagesquare the literary interface and commandments quite funny

  2. feathersproject says:

    Arome, you really cranked me up with this post. Thanks a million. 12 Commandments indeed!

  3. Toyeen says:

    I enjoyed reading this. Profound with a comic twist. U sef don waka for social media o. I absolutely agree with you on quite if not all the rules. Let me add another myself,
    Thou shall quit being a tweet-snob. If someone you follow and is following you too tweets at you by way of interaction, the least you can do is respond back as long as it’s not a foolish tweet.
    Quite a mouthful but well that’s my own twitter peeve. Well done Arome!

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