Certain events make us realize the error of our ways, by normal human nature, we only become remorseful, when we get caught doing something wrong, we ordinarily would never repent if we got away with doing evil over and over again.
I was married for almost 6 years, for as long I can remember, I always wanted to be tough, showing emotions to me was simply being a loser, I always had to take charge and bully my way through everything, growing up in a totally masculine home may have contributed, or maybe naturally I was born to be a jerk, but either way, I am remorseful and telling this story because I went too far, I took advantage of my partner, I molested my partner, I beat up my partner, I talked down to my partner, and all my partner ever did was try to love me.
I never showed any form of love or affection for my spouse, I guess the only time I showed love, was when I punched up a guy in traffic, after he called my partner a moron, I broke his nose, yes that was me, always solving everything with aggression and force, but even after we got home I still called my spouse names for not rising up to the occasion, I blamed my partner for even allowing that situation to get to that level.
I was always spoiling for a fight, I would push, shove, call my partner names, and my partner would just take it, and in some cases apologize for what was not done, and that would piss me off the more, and I would get physical.
On this fateful evening, I got back home from work early, and decided to watch some TV, my partner wasn’t home, and I was getting bored and hungry, so I fixed some food, and sat in front of the TV, I think I must have dozed off, because I woke up startled when I felt a tap on my shoulder, I looked up, and saw my husband standing over me, yes you read right, my husband, and no am not gay, I am a woman, and I am the “wife”.
He pointed how I had spilled food on the rug, and kept reminding me of how many times he had told me to try and keep the house tidy, I got pissed and called him a moron, and went on to say all sorts of things to him.
He was walking away and I threw the remote at him, it hit him behind the head and he turned around, this was the first time he ever reacted, even when I had an abortion, claiming I was not ready, all he said was, “we’ll try again when you are ready”, and I am pretty sure at this point most of you are asking why I ever bothered to get married, well get in line, because I ask myself the same question every day.
He turned around, walked back to me, held my shoulder, looked me in the eye and said “don’t you ever throw stuff at me again”, I pushed him away, and continued to throw vile words at him.
This time, there was something different about him, he talked back, he yelled, and he didn’t back down, it was like he had enough, spilling soup on the rug was the last straw, his eyes were on fire, and it was like he doubled in size, he towered over me and gave me a piece of his mind, and then he said the words “I want a divorce”, I knew our relationship would end with that, but I never knew he would have the guts to end it, and I knew no one would ever tolerate me the way he did.
After he said those words, he began walking out of the living room, I didn’t know what to say, for the first time I didn’t have the last word, I was angry, scared and ashamed all at the same time, so I did what I was good at doing.
I picked up the fork I had used earlier, and in a moment of blind rage, and I stabbed him in the neck, I had never seen so much blood in my life, he feel holding his neck, I rushed to him, he held my hand, a deep look in his eyes, he tried to speak but nothing came out, suddenly his body began to spasm, his grip became tighter and suddenly he let go.
I was horrified, I ran out with blood on my hands screaming, I bumped into a neighbor who caught me and kept asking what was wrong, but all I could do was scream, my screaming must have attracted more people, and by now they were already putting two and two together, because a while later, the police came, and they took me, I also saw the ambulance.
My husband died before the ambulance arrived, I was formally charged with murder, and during my trial other charges of assault were brought forward.
I always thought growing up around men was responsible for my aggressive and violent behavior, now I am here with women, all women, wall to wall, am not sure it will change anything, and besides I am not leaving here anytime soon.
An apology won’t change anything, he is dead, I am in prison, if he was still alive, and kept taking my guff, you probably wouldn’t be reading this.
For those who read this and realize who this is, I am sorry.
For those who blame and judge me, I am sorry.
All I can say is I am sorry.
Written By- Arome Ameh (The Priest)