I was a bubbly little girl, i was loved by my
parents. The apple of Daddy’s eyes and the one
nobody messes up with in our home – I loved that.
Then, Uncle Sola happened! He stole my innocence
at age 6 and for years, I lived in the shadow of that
We lived in a “face me, I face you” in Ikorodu in the
80s. My Parents were working class people. Who
had to leave me with a family that lived in the same
house with us. One of their children was “Uncle Sola”.
Uncle Sola was very loving; always looking for
avenues to play with me. I was an only child then
and the way he was protective of me wasn’t a
secret, I loved it. Little did I know that he had other
plans. His motive of loving and protecting me was
different from the innocence a 6year old would have
deciphered. No one suspected. No one knew. No
one questioned him. No one could come to my aid.
The earliest memory I had about being defiled was
when I felt his fingers in my private part. This
became a constant in my life as days went by. I
couldn’t tell anyone because of the fear instilled in
me. This continued until we moved from Ikorodu to
Lagos mainland. That was when I got a reprieve
from uncle Sola.
On moving to Lagos, my Daddy decided to venture
into polygamy. This brought a lot of unrest into an
once peaceful family. My trust for the menfolk
withered. My Dad was the one person that could
never be wrong until he decided to hurt My Mom
Based on this further betrayal, I decided to make
the menfolk pay for what my Dad & Uncle Sola did
to me. But underneath this, there was the vacuum;
the cry for love and genuine care.
During my years in the secondary school, I was
well behaved with minor misdemeanors here and
there. . It was when I got admitted into the
polytechnic that I decided to act out all the hurt and
pain I was feeling. I needed love and acceptance
badly but none was forthcoming. All the guys
wanted was just a good time and I wasn’t going to
give that to them was my resolve. They were going
to pay, and some did. I was smart but I think now, it
was God that was just shielding me.
I was one of the first customer at Excellence Hotel
Ogba, Lagos state when it was first opened. One
Aristo took me there. While in the polytechnic, I met
a guy I fell in love with. We had unprotected sex
which led to me getting pregnant. I was naïve and
didn’t really know wat to do; on noticing that I was
pregnant, he severed the relationship and stopped
talking to me completely. My parents only got to
know whenthe pregnancy was 6months. I was
18years then. They took me to an hospital and I had
an induced labour. After that painful experience, I
rested a while from runs.
I moved from the polytechnic to the university by
direct entry in 1997 and met a guy that I dated till I
graduated in 2001. Between us, we aborted all the
Nine pregnancies we had. The most memorable one
was the last one I had which nearly took my life but
for the mercies of God.
Towards the end of my stay in the university, I had
a dramatic encounter with the Lord. I surrendered to
His Lordship and broke up with my boyfriend of
I Graduated and went for youth service, where I
met my husband. Three and half years after
meeting him, we got married, the bed undefiled.
Soon after marriage, I got pregnant. We were so
elated since we both knew my past and all the
details – I had told him every single thing without
keeping a line. On the due date, I brought forth. We
were so happy and grateful to God. Then, as the
years roll by, it has been hard to conceive again.
Then the condemnation starts. I began to blame
myself for the kind of life I led earlier. What if I had
not been wayward? What if I had not had so many
abortions? What if….?
Everyman has a role to play in the fulfillment of his
destiny but there are some that contributes to it. I
took that way because of the many childhood
defilement and hurt. I didn’t speak to anyone, I didn’t
seek help because I thought I could hold it all in. No
one can! There are end results of abuses that we
can never deal with all by ourselves.
What if I had not been defiled earlier? What if my
childish innocence had not been tampered with?
That experience never leaves the victim of such
crimes and abuses. The feeling of low self esteem
and always expecting the worst in every situation
was evident in my every thought and action.
I bear my cross now without complaint to anyone.
My joy is that my Husband has been a point of
succor and strength to me all through everything.
He holds me and emotionally helps me to be better.
As parents, we owe our children the best! Not just
financially but emotionally also. Be your child’s best
friend. Know his/her moods, know what they are
not saying even when they are talking with you. Be
careful of the people that watch your children in
your absence, especially the close family members
Lets keep our children safe so that they wont get
defiled or damaged early. It’s the story of my life
and I share it happily for others to learn. As it is,
there might be regrets or pains, but there are those
who are not so lucky. Some have committed suicide
because they never get to heal. Some have become
mentally imbalanced after everything. Some are still
crying subtly for help and no one is listening. We
need to be careful. We need to be vigilant and very
understanding to our kids. Let them know they can
talk to you.
Prevention, they say, is better than cure. Prevent it.
If you can’t due to one situation or the other, watch
out for signs in your kids and help them as fast as
Written By TT
Originally published on WWW.debospeaks.blog. com
Posted by Arome Ameh (The Priest) From WordPress for Android