For The Wrong Reasons-An Ominous Escape

image

Blessing thought it was time to get married, not for the usual reasons people decide to get married though, her home was a war zone.

There was hardly a moment’s peace. Her father was always beating and shouting at her mother, he refused to sponsor any of her siblings through school and any other interest of theirs. He really didn’t care if anything happened to them.

The boys, angry at their father, had moved out to go fend for themselves. Blessing saw herself through school with help from her mother. And since she was a graduate with no job forthcoming, marriage appeared to be the only solution.
She didn’t lack suitors, they were everywhere around her. She finally agreed to marry Francis, the trader who was noticeably less educated than her,but what he lacked in book smarts, he more than made up for it with his natural instincts for making money,and at that time, had a growing business. At last, she was out of the war zone and had found someone to cater for her needs, or so she thought.

Francis refused to let her work and insisted she helped out at his shops. She was wife at home, sales girl at the shop. She started seeing signs of her father in him. He spoke to her rudely in front of people, visitors and customers. He insulted her at the slightest provocation.

And then the beatings started. He handled every income from the shop and she had to beg for every little thing she needed.

After her first pregnancy, her mum came to see her and the child (omugwo), and after staying some days, warned the daughter to leave. It would be easier to survive with just one child. Blessing refused.

You see, Francis was the kind of man who believed women shouldn’t have a say anywhere, they should be wives and do as their husband says. He never took corrections especially if they came from his educated wife. He was a shrewd business man and miserly too. Giving out crumbs whenever he deemed fit, and beatings when he was provoked or countered.

Blessing stayed, and after five kids, realized it wasn’t getting any better. Her husband was a wealthy man but she and her kids were always lacking one thing or the other. She fought for a business of hers and with the help of some relatives, Francis agreed. But with the condition that she pays half of everything he pays; school fees, rent and dues. She agreed.

Gradually, Francis stopped doing his part in the house,he complained about everything he was asked to do.

Blessing was catering for almost everything. And she started spending more than she made. The business began to suffer.
 
Blessing’s marital home, is now an exact replica of what she ran away from and she gets her only happiness from her kids. But her spirit is crushed.

Francis had succeeded in making her question her capabilities and what she is able to achieve. She is afraid to take risks and step out and change her conditions. She worries about meeting her children’s needs since her husband threatens to stop doing his part every time he is talked to. Most of all, she is afraid to live.

Written By – Ifejilimalu Adaeze Zita
@dazee_zita

Posted by Arome Ameh (The Priest) From WordPress for Android

Advertisements

A Child In The Wilderness- My Story Of Abuse,Rejection And Triumph

I was a bubbly little girl, i was loved by my
parents. The apple of Daddy’s eyes and the one
nobody messes up with in our home – I loved that.

Then, Uncle Sola happened! He stole my innocence
at age 6 and for years, I lived in the shadow of that
disturbing moment.

We lived in a “face me, I face you” in Ikorodu in the
80s. My Parents were working class people. Who
had to leave me with a family that lived in the same
house with us. One of their children was “Uncle Sola”.
Uncle Sola was very loving; always looking for
avenues to play with me. I was an only child then
and the way he was protective of me wasn’t a
secret, I loved it. Little did I know that he had other
plans. His motive of loving and protecting me was
different from the innocence a 6year old would have
deciphered. No one suspected. No one knew. No
one questioned him. No one could come to my aid.
The earliest memory I had about being defiled was
when I felt his fingers in my private part. This
became a constant in my life as days went by. I
couldn’t tell anyone because of the fear instilled in
me. This continued until we moved from Ikorodu to
Lagos mainland. That was when I got a reprieve
from uncle Sola.
On moving to Lagos, my Daddy decided to venture
into polygamy. This brought a lot of unrest into an
once peaceful family. My trust for the menfolk
withered. My Dad was the one person that could
never be wrong until he decided to hurt My Mom
and I.
Based on this further betrayal, I decided to make
the menfolk pay for what my Dad & Uncle Sola did
to me. But underneath this, there was the vacuum;
the cry for love and genuine care.
During my years in the secondary school, I was
well behaved with minor misdemeanors  here and
there. . It was when I got admitted into the
polytechnic that I decided to act out all the hurt and
pain I was feeling. I needed love and acceptance
badly but none was forthcoming. All the guys
wanted was just a good time and I wasn’t going to
give that to them was my resolve. They were going
to pay, and some did. I was smart but I think now, it
was God that was just shielding me.
I was one of the first customer at Excellence Hotel
Ogba, Lagos state when it was first opened. One
Aristo took me there. While in the polytechnic, I met
a guy I fell in love with. We had unprotected sex
which led to me getting pregnant. I was naïve and
didn’t really know wat to do; on noticing that I was
pregnant, he severed the relationship and stopped
talking to me completely. My parents only got to
know whenthe pregnancy was 6months. I was
18years then. They took me to an hospital and I had
an induced labour. After that painful experience, I
rested a while from runs.
I moved from the polytechnic to the university by
direct entry in 1997 and met a guy that I dated till I
graduated in 2001. Between us, we aborted all the
Nine pregnancies we had. The most memorable one
was the last one I had which nearly took my life but
for the mercies of God.
Towards the end of my stay in the university, I had
a dramatic encounter with the Lord. I surrendered to
His Lordship and broke up with my boyfriend of
4years.
I Graduated and went for youth service, where I
met my husband. Three and half years after
meeting him, we got married, the bed undefiled.
Soon after marriage, I got pregnant. We were so
elated since we both knew my past and all the
details – I had told him every single thing without
keeping a line. On the due date, I brought forth. We
were so happy and grateful to God. Then, as the
years roll by, it has been hard to conceive again.
Then the condemnation starts. I began to blame
myself for the kind of life I led earlier. What if I had
not been wayward? What if I had not had so many
abortions? What if….?
Everyman has a role to play in the fulfillment of his
destiny but there are some that contributes to it. I
took that way because of the many childhood
defilement and hurt. I didn’t speak to anyone, I didn’t
seek help because I thought I could hold it all in. No
one can! There are end results of abuses that we
can never deal with all by ourselves.
What if I had not been defiled earlier? What if my
childish innocence had not been tampered with?
That experience never leaves the victim of such
crimes and abuses. The feeling of low self esteem
and always expecting the worst in every situation
was evident in my every thought and action.
I bear my cross now without complaint to anyone.
My joy is that my Husband has been a point of
succor and strength to me all through everything.
He holds me and emotionally helps me to be better.
As parents, we owe our children the best! Not just
financially but emotionally also. Be your child’s best
friend. Know his/her moods, know what they are
not saying even when they are talking with you. Be
careful of the people that watch your children in
your absence, especially the close family members
and friends.
Lets keep our children safe so that they wont get
defiled or damaged early. It’s the story of my life
and I share it happily for others to learn. As it is,
there might be regrets or pains, but there are those
who are not so lucky. Some have committed suicide
because they never get to heal. Some have become
mentally imbalanced after everything. Some are still
crying subtly for help and no one is listening. We
need to be careful. We need to be vigilant and very
understanding to our kids. Let them know they can
talk to you.
Prevention, they say, is better than cure. Prevent it.
If you can’t due to one situation or the other, watch
out for signs in your kids and help them as fast as
you can.

Written By TT

Originally published on WWW.debospeaks.blog. com

Posted by Arome Ameh (The Priest) From WordPress for Android

The Mirror Effect

image

It all began a little over two decades ago, when Thomas married Beatrice,everything was going on well with the family. Thomas was then the epitome of civility and gentility while the going was good. A banker extraordinaire.

Thomas, refused the wife to work because he believed his salary was more than enough to cater for all their needs and even had extra to spare and help others.

He was a heavy risk taker who invested the money(s) in his care in high risk ventures with corresponding high returns. He was the toast of his managers. He took heavy risks in his speculative investments for the bank.

But as fate would have it, he took the father of all risked which involved billions of naira and the deal went sour. His managers who initially sang his praise  immediately cut him lose to avoid the spiral effects of the bad investment. He lost his job and all his savings and any entitlements accrue able to him to get a soft landing.

He became depressed and began seeking solace at the bottom of a beer bottle and, also began neglecting his wife and two sons.

He graduated from being a perpetual drunk to a full blown abuser. He began abusing his wife physically after bouts of drinking and this in return, resulted in emotional abuse for the children.

Through all, Beatrice stayed put and learned a trade with the little she was able to save and through help from the local church and the family, she single handedly put the boys through secondary school and university and fed and clothe the abusing husband all through the years.

Now her utter most fear came to life, as she watched her eldest son exhibit signs of an abusive nature due to years of exposure to his father.

In her years of solution seeking,She had read how children who had been exposed to abuse,had high tendencies to becoming abusers themselves.

Now she seeks solace in God and continues her search, continually searching  for ways to reach her son, after his wife secretly told her the husband has been beating her steadily from the sixth month of their marriage.

The above situation is pathetic but unfortunately, this is the situation Beatrice lived with, and is about to relive in her son.

Written By Isaacola AA
@newnaija

Posted from WordPress for Android

Blame it on the strike? Or Moral Bankrupsy

 

So the lecturers of all the federal universities in Nigeria have been on strike for close to four months now, and as usual the the Govt and the university lecturers union ASUU keep doing their ritualistic dance of he said she said, so called experts use the strike as an opportunity to boost their notoriety by coming on air to analyze a system they themselves helped to corrupt.

My introduction is just to give you a little understanding of why I decided to write this piece, see the age of problem in this country is simple, all talk, no action, am sorry if you don’t see this view, and personally I won’t be bothered by it, but the truth needs to be told, everyone keeps talking about the strike, laying blame on the govt and or on the lecturers, depending on where your alliances lay, but the question is do you really know what the student s are getting themselves into, while they are forced to remain in this limbo created by selfishness and greed?

I’ll give you a preview, let’s start with the Nigerian economy, we all know it has gone to hell, no minimum wage, no middle class, no jobs, no food, nothing, parents have to pay through their teeth to keep these kids in school, most of them embrace the idea of them being in school, no because they are happy the kids are getting a sound education, let’s face it, what’s an education without employment opportunities, but rather they are glad when the kids are off to school because for them, the parents, it means less mouths to feed, for three or four months at a time, it’s easy to scrape up the fees and a little pocket money and send the kids on their way, and hope they can fend for themselves while in school, but when they are forced to remain at home, generating more expense and contributing little or nothing to the house hold income, it becomes a very huge problem for the parents and guardians.

The popular saying “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop”, is indeed quite true, most of these undergraduates are now left to occupy themselves with all sorts of extra-curricular activities, and I say this without favor, I refuse to sugar coat this any longer.

You will agree with me, activities on social media, for example twitter, badoo, whatsapp, facebook, 2go, viber, etc, has seen an increase in activity, ever tried to read some trending hash tags on twitter?, try it and you will realize they are filled with utter garbage, meaningless tweets from bored individuals, who have very little to contribute to pressing and meaningful issues affecting this country and our everyday lives, other social networks like facebook and badoo have becomes virtual red light districts for young women, who aim to make quick paydays and save up enough before the strike is called off, now don’t get me wrong, circumstances have forced some of these ladies to become internet hookers, poverty and desperation play a vital role, but I will not rule out the stupidity and greed factor too, while some ladies use their earning for meaningful endeavors, like helping pay for their academic exploits and assisting with some household expenses , others simply use it to purchase vane items like clothes, shoes, electronic gadgets etc.

This brings me to a very scary but important point, with the increase in vulnerable young men and women flooding these sites, an equal  If not higher number of predators have also flooded these sites too, stalking and picking them up one after the other, how many have fallen victims? We will not be privy to that information, until the strike is called off, and the statistics begin to pour in.

I am pretty sure most of you reading this don’t believe me, well if you don’t, then log on to badoo and have a test run, I assure you, in less than 30 mins, you would have offers from lots of young ladies ready to give sexual favors for stipulated amounts, and the scary part is they do this without fear, they are ready to meet up anywhere if the price is right, this is simply a sexual predators wet dream, they will simply lure these ladies, with promises of financial rewards, and have their way with them, if they are lucky, they might just leave with their lives, most of them are not.

Below is a chat expose’ chat for you who doubt

box1box2box3box4box5box6

Need more clarification?

Here’s another chat screen below.

box7box8box9box10box11box12

These are young ladies who have decided to put themselves in harm’s way, simply in search of financial gratification via exchange of bodily fluids with total strangers, I won’t totally blame the university shut down for this, for all we know most might not even be students, but we can’t rule out the possibility of a lot of them being students of some federal institution.

Now what happens to these ladies when they meet these mystery men, they are totally at their mercy, for abuse, rape, molestation and even murder, and with all the stories of internet affairs gone bad, one would expect people to develop phobias for online affairs, but from the conversations above, I pretty much doubt it, which begs to ask the question, who do we blame when things go south?

Do we blame the ladies?

Do we blame the parents?

Do we blame the strike?

Do we blame the men taking advantage of them?

Do we blame society?

Or

Do we blame the lack of morality?

I’ll leave you to decide.

 

By Arome Ameh (The Priest)