And so it happened, one Ese Walter came out to accuse one pastor Biodun Fatoyimbo of one church called COZA of having a sexual affair with him, and also claimed some form of abuse in the process, well that word “abuse” struck me, I have read her article or confession or whatever you choose to call it, and honestly I really don’t see any form of abuse here.
The word has been used very loosely and I aim to correct an impression, from what I have read over and over again, there was no form of abuse on any level, the only time abuse ever came up was when she claimed to be drinking and smoking in excess to cover the guilt and shame she felt, and that was self-abuse, why would she claim abuse in this matter.
You had an affair with your pastor, you became guilty and in the beginning of your speech you decide to claim form of abuse? Seriously
Now let’s look at some excerpts of her story
“While there, he sat on a reclining chair and asked me to come sit on his laps. This was a bit awkward for me and I froze for a moment as I asked why. He said he had told me to feel free with him and loosen up. I found myself strolling to sit on his laps. At that moment, I felt like a little girl who was experiencing something her mind couldn’t fathom. He asked me to kiss him and all I could think about was seeing him preach on the pulpit back in COZA Abuja, Nigeria, which was my home church. He again said ‘feel free Ese.’ And asked again, that I kiss him.
A few hours later, let’s just say, we were rolling under the sheets. It felt as though my mind had paused. I am not saying I was jazzed, (although it’s possible I was in some trancelike state and didn’t know it but I just was so afraid that I couldn’t say or think otherwise.) That was the beginning of this affair. A sexual affair that went on for a little over a week, DAILY!
I can hear somebody’s mind thinking, ‘well, you weren’t raped.” And I remember a pastor I opened up to when I couldn’t take all the mind games asking if I seduced him. No, I didn’t seduce him and no, I wasn’t raped but I felt trapped in this affair.”
If you noticed I underlined a word and a sentence, the word “asked” was used and there was no point she mentioned he ordered her to do anything, there was no mention of the use of force or if she was ever rough handled, she never made mention of him ever black mailing her, or using any form of intimidation, she found herself strolling to sit on his laps, the key word being strolled and not dragged, pulled or forced, and a few hours later, they were rolling under the sheets, she wasn’t pinned to the bed, gagged or taken by force, they were rolling under the sheets, and it went on for a little over a week.
Look, let’s get real here, where does abuse come into play, a sexual affair between two consenting adults cannot be termed as abuse, especially when there is no physical or mental evidence of any form of abuse.
I am not here to take sides with anyone, all I am here to say is simple, the lady claims to have had an affair with the pastor right? The pastor has not issued any counter claim, I doubt if he will, a simple change of heart, attack of conscience or maybe spite propelled her to release her story, flawed as it may be, we will never really know her genuine reason, I just want her to be mindful of her accusations, using the word abuse is a very strong and should not be used as a tool to draw sympathy and make you appear to be the victim, after all she contradicted herself on more than one occasion in her story.
My advice, if you are having a consensual sexual affair with someone you ought not be with, chances are eventually one or both of you will get burned, and in the case of one person getting burned and the other trying to move on, don’t use abuse as a yard stick to get your pound of flesh, if Ese Walters is claiming abuse, what will the children who were molested by their parish priest in Ireland claim,….. Murder?
On a parting note, use the right words in the right context, and stop seeking undue attention using trigger words like abuse, and before I forget, Ese Walters, and others out there, don’t sleep with your pastors, and pastors out there, your congregations are people looking up to you for salvation and not your personal harems.
By The Priest