She sat in the hall way
I noticed she turned her face away when I walked past,at first I thought it was coincidental,not until I saw her do it again when someone else walked by, I walked up to her and asked if she was alright,she replied quickly and dismissing.
So I walked away.
In the course of doing what I do, concerning domestic abuse advocacy and rape, I have come across all sorts of reasons, why people do what they do, and sometimes you think you have seen it all.
Well this time, that theory was disproved, a colleague had asked me to come in for an interview, a peculiar one at that, and so without hesitation I drove down to the center.
I was getting my stuff ready, when my colleague walked in with a lady, her head was bent low, and she was wearing a small veil, which covered most of the top of her head and parts of her face.
I stopped what I was doing, when I realized she was the same lady I spoke to in the hallway……..her name was catherine.
My name is catherine, I have been married for 6 months now, and it has been nothing but torture, I dated my husband for a whole year before he asked me to be his wife.
It was a wonderful courtship,not perfect but wonderful, my husband was a very patient man, but recently his patience had wore out.
During our courtship, I never agreed to sex, I told him I didn’t want to have sex before marriage, well he played along, because in his own words, “soon you will be my wife and I will have all the sex I want”, we would laugh over it, and move on, I didn’t want sex, not because I was old fashioned, but simply because I was unable to.
Yes I couldn’t endure penetration, it was always extremely painful, and it always felt like my vaginal opening was closed, the first time I attempted to have sex was when I discovered it, then I thought maybe because it was my first time, so I decided to wait until I was a bit mature.
After a few years I attempted to have intercourse, but it was a repeat of how I had felt the first time, I began to get worried, I attempted using my finger to see if I could create an opening, but the all too familiar pain was still there.
I couldn’t tell my mother, because I didn’t want her to know I had attempted to have sex before marriage, and so I kept hoping I would get over it eventually, at that point I convinced myself it was my body’s way of telling me to wait.
Eventually we got married, my wedding night was a disaster, he tried everything,nothing worked,the pain was mind numbing,at a point he gave up, and slept on the couch, the next morning we talked about it, he asked me why I hadn’t mentioned anything, I told him why.
I decided to inform my mother after a few weeks of trying and failing, mum gave me some herbs and asked us both to drink, still nothing.
I could feel his frustration, from the way he spoke to me, I could feel his doubt too, I suggested we seek medical help,but all he said that, he was man enough to penetrate his wife, and whenever I was ready I would drop my act. Those words really hurt me, so all along he felt it was an act, he felt I was pretending because I didn’t want to have sex.
Some night he would get on top of me, and try to force himself inside me, but it would end up the same way, I would scream and beg him to stop, the pain was getting worse.
We had arguments, and with each argument things got worse, I realized sex with me was more of a conquest, he was trying to prove he was man enough to have me anytime and anyhow he wanted, and with every trial, he would get aggressive, one night he was so angry, he slapped me, called me a slut and walked out…..he never came back that night,he never touched me after that, and he never apologized.
He moved into the other room, and treated me like a leper, he cooked his own meals and spent more time with his car, than he did with me.
About a week ago, I decided I was going to get past my pain, I decided I was going to get my marriage back on track, I went into the bathroom, I took a candle,lubricate it with some lotion, and I attempted to push it inside me, I alternated between my finger and the candle stick, I thought I was alone in the house, so I let out some subtle groaning sounds, suddenly timothy opened the door and saw me doing what I was doing.
Now, finding me in that position was implicating all on its own, he shook his head and walked away, leaving me in total shock, shame and confusion.
I pulled up my pants and ran after him, big mistake…..he turned around, and beat me with all the energy he could muster, he called me names, and eventually he kicked me out.
I moved in with my mother, he came to the house yesterday with my belongings, he told me he was aware how girls would have too much sex, and attempt to tighten their vagina, to give them the appearance of virgins, and that mine had back fired, he called me a whore, and told me never to come back to his house.
I still don’t understand why this is happening, I don’t have issues urinating,and my monthly period is like clock work.
He has refused to understand my situation.
To say I wasn’t stunned by what catherine had disclosed would be an understatement, but we convinced her to see a doctor, a seasoned gynecologist, and after a series of tests it was discovered she had a condition known as “VAGINISMUS”.
I took the liberty of doing some research, find it below
Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the muscles
surrounding the vagina. The spasms close the vagina.
Vaginismus is a sexual problem. It has several possible
Past sexual trauma or abuse
History of discomfort with sexual intercourse
Sometimes no cause can be found.
Vaginismus is an uncommon condition. The exact
number of women who have this problem is unknown.
The main symptoms are:
Difficult, painful, or impossible, vaginal penetration
Vaginal pain during sexual intercourse or a pelvic exam
Women with vaginismus often become anxious about
sexual intercourse. However, this does not mean they
cannot become sexually aroused. Many women with this
condition can have orgasms when the clitoris is
Exams and Tests
A pelvic exam can confirm the diagnosis of vaginismus.
A medical history and complete physical exam are
important to look for other causes of pain with sexual
Treatment involves a combination of education,
counseling, and exercises such as pelvic floor muscle
contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).
Vaginal dilation exercises are recommended using
plastic dilators. These should be done under the
direction of a sex therapist or other health care
provider. Therapy should involve the partner. It can
gradually include more intimate contact, ultimately
leading to intercourse.
Your health care provider should give you information
about sexual anatomy, the sexual response cycle, and
common myths about sex.
When women are treated by a specialist in sex therapy,
success rates are generally very high.
We hope that with the results, timothy and catherine will be able to settle their marital issues, its a long road ahead, but with patience and support I am pretty sure they will achieve it.
Counseling sessions have been arranged for both of them, with hopes that timothy will oblige.
Written By Arome Ameh (The Priest)
Additional Sources – http://www.wikipedia.com