FOR NO FAULT OF MINE

She sat in the hall way

I noticed she turned her face away when I walked past,at first I thought it was coincidental,not until I saw her do it again when someone else walked by, I walked up to her and asked if she was alright,she replied quickly and dismissing.

So I walked away.

In the course of doing what I do, concerning domestic abuse advocacy and rape, I have come across all sorts of reasons, why people do what they do, and sometimes you think you have seen it all.

Well this time, that theory was disproved, a colleague had asked me to come in for an interview, a peculiar one at that, and so without hesitation I drove down to the center.

I was getting my stuff ready, when my colleague walked in with a lady, her head was bent low, and she was wearing a small veil, which covered most of the top of her head and parts of her face.

I stopped what I was doing, when I realized she was the same lady I spoke to in the hallway……..her name was catherine.

HER STORY

My name is catherine, I have been married for 6 months now, and it has been nothing but torture, I dated my husband for a whole year before he asked me to be his wife.

It was a wonderful courtship,not perfect but wonderful, my husband was a very patient man, but recently his patience had wore out.

During our courtship, I never agreed to sex, I told him I didn’t want to have sex before marriage, well he played along, because in his own words, “soon you will be my wife and I will have all the sex I want”, we would laugh over it, and move on, I didn’t want sex, not because I was old fashioned, but simply because I was unable to.

Yes I couldn’t endure penetration, it was always extremely painful, and it always felt like my vaginal opening was closed, the first time I attempted to have sex was when I discovered it, then I thought maybe because it was my first time, so I decided to wait until I was a bit mature.

After a few years I attempted to have intercourse, but it was a repeat of how I had felt the first time, I began to get worried, I attempted using my finger to see if I could create an opening, but the all too familiar pain was still there.

I couldn’t tell my mother, because I didn’t want her to know I had attempted to have sex before marriage, and so I kept hoping I would get over it eventually, at that point I convinced myself it was my body’s way of telling me to wait.

Eventually we got married, my wedding night was a disaster, he tried everything,nothing worked,the pain was mind numbing,at a point he gave up, and slept on the couch, the next morning we talked about it, he asked me why I hadn’t mentioned anything, I told him why.

I decided to inform my mother after a few weeks of trying and failing, mum gave me some herbs and asked us both to drink, still nothing.

I could feel his frustration, from the way he spoke to me, I could feel his doubt too, I suggested we seek medical help,but all he said that, he was man enough to penetrate his wife, and whenever I was ready I would drop my act. Those words really hurt me, so all along he felt it was an act, he felt I was pretending because I didn’t want to have sex.

Some night he would get on top of me, and try to force himself inside me, but it would end up the same way, I would scream and beg him to stop, the pain was getting worse.

We had arguments, and with each argument things got worse, I realized sex with me was more of a conquest, he was trying to prove he was man enough to have me anytime and anyhow he wanted, and with every trial, he would get aggressive, one night he was so angry, he slapped me, called me a slut and walked out…..he never came back that night,he never touched me after that, and he never apologized.

He moved into the other room, and treated me like a leper, he cooked his own meals and spent more time with his car, than he did with me.

About a week ago, I decided I was going to get past my pain, I decided I was going to get my marriage back on track, I went into the bathroom, I took a candle,lubricate it with some lotion, and I attempted to push it inside me, I alternated between my finger and the candle stick, I thought I was alone in the house, so I let out some subtle groaning sounds, suddenly timothy opened the door and saw me doing what I was doing.

Now, finding me in that position was implicating all on its own, he shook his head and walked away, leaving me in total shock, shame and confusion.

I pulled up my pants and ran after him, big mistake…..he turned around, and beat me with all the energy he could muster, he called me names, and eventually he kicked me out.

I moved in with my mother, he came to the house yesterday with my belongings, he told me he was aware how girls would have too much sex, and attempt to tighten their vagina, to give them the appearance of virgins, and that mine had back fired, he called me a whore, and told me never to come back to his house.

I still don’t understand why this is happening, I don’t have issues urinating,and my monthly period is like clock work.

He has refused to understand my situation.

 

To say I wasn’t stunned by what catherine had disclosed would be an understatement, but we convinced her to see a doctor, a seasoned gynecologist, and after a series of tests it was discovered she had a  condition known as “VAGINISMUS”.

I took the liberty of doing some research, find it below

Vaginismus

Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the muscles
surrounding the vagina. The spasms close the vagina.

Causes
Vaginismus is a sexual problem. It has several possible
causes, including:
Past sexual trauma or abuse
Psychological factors
History of discomfort with sexual intercourse
Sometimes no cause can be found.
Vaginismus is an uncommon condition. The exact
number of women who have this problem is unknown.

Symptoms

The main symptoms are:
Difficult, painful, or impossible, vaginal penetration
during sex
Vaginal pain during sexual intercourse or a pelvic exam
Women with vaginismus often become anxious about
sexual intercourse. However, this does not mean they
cannot become sexually aroused. Many women with this
condition can have orgasms when the clitoris is
stimulated.

Exams and Tests
A pelvic exam can confirm the diagnosis of vaginismus.
A medical history and complete physical exam are
important to look for other causes of pain with sexual
intercourse (dyspareunia).

Treatment
Treatment involves a combination of education,
counseling, and exercises such as pelvic floor muscle
contraction and relaxation (Kegel exercises).
Vaginal dilation exercises are recommended using
plastic dilators. These should be done under the
direction of a sex therapist or other health care
provider. Therapy should involve the partner. It can
gradually include more intimate contact, ultimately
leading to intercourse.
Your health care provider should give you information
about sexual anatomy, the sexual response cycle, and
common myths about sex.

Outlook

(Prognosis)
When women are treated by a specialist in sex therapy,
success rates are generally very high.

We hope that with the results, timothy and catherine will be able to settle their marital issues, its a long road ahead, but with patience and support I am pretty sure they will achieve it.

Counseling sessions have been arranged for both of them, with hopes that timothy will oblige.

Written By Arome Ameh (The Priest)

Additional Sources – http://www.wikipedia.com

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Story Of An Admitted Rapist

The Story Below May Offend The Sensitivities Of Some.

I raped a woman. I do not believe that I am a
pathological sex offender, but all the same, I raped. I
don’t think I am a bad guy. I have a college degree in
the arts from a prestigious school and I get along well
with my parents, who are still married. I do not hate
women or the world, or myself, for that matter. My
female friends, as well as many of my ex-girlfriends,
think I am a bright, caring, understanding person. But
all of that did not keep me from raping.
I did not understand that what I did was rape until
about a year ago. What made me finally recognize my
crime was the recent surge in media cover about date
rape.
I went to a New York City bar, scamming‹ looking of
someone to bed for the night‹ with some of my
friends. We had already been drinking steadily and by
the time we got there, we were still coherent but
basically numb.
Through the entire night, even though I was drinking,
I remained in control of my body. The booze made me
feel invincible, immune to rejection. That night,
whatever I wanted I was going to take, and nothing
was going to stop me.
I met her at the bar. She was from England and had
come to New York for a short time to tour with a
musical revue. When I walked in I knew I wanted to
bed this girl. I wanted to have sex that night, and she
looked like an inviting prospect.
That was a period in my life when I was “slutting”
heavily. I would pick a woman up at a bar and sleep
with her the same night. I started to think I was entitled
to sex. After talking a girl up and buying her a few
drinks, I would do everything I could to make her go to
bed with me. Usually she was willing. Sometimes it took
a little more work to convince her.
She had only recently arrived and did not know much
about the city. We talked for a while and a mild
seduction took place. It was clear she’d been drinking
before I arrived, and we had three or four drinks
together. As the alcohol made her less guarded, I
convinced her that I was interested in what she was
saying and was beginning to really care about her.
Our thighs rubbed together, my arm brushed against
her breast.
I was getting to her. We drank some more and I grew
confident that I was not going home alone that night.
She was staying at a friend’s place downtown, and I
assumed that when we left together, it meant she was
going over to my place.
I always had a secret agenda with women. I would do
anything I could to seduce them. I would use empathy,
understanding, humor, even my deepest secrets to get
them on my side. I would show that I was a sensitive guy
and use that for the sole purpose of bedding them.
This time I used a woman’s drunkenness and
unfamiliarity with the city for my purposes. Once I had
her out of the bar, she had no friends to help her, no one
to call, nowhere to go except where I wanted her to go.
We started walking and she asked, “Where are we
going?” and I said, “Just walking,” knowing that we
were heading in the direction of my apartment. We
would stop sporadically and make out. During one
heavy session, I said to her, “Come back to my place,”
and she refused. I said, “What do you mean, no? This
is New York City. You don’t leave a bar with a guy
and not sleep with him. C’mon, this isn’t England, this
is the big city! This is how we do things.” She still
refused, but I could tell I was influencing her with
that ridiculous line. We walked some more, all the
time getting closer to my apartment, and I used that
line time and time again as I took her through
unfamiliar streets. We reached my apartment and I
asked her if she wanted to come up. She said no, and
I said, “Just come up for a little bit and then I’ll take
you back.” That sat better with her, and I
congratulated myself for the brilliant sell.
We got up to my apartment and I began kissing her,
but now she was not responding like she did on the
street. I asked her, “What’s the matter?” But she just
stared blankly past me. I began to touch her more
aggressively, squeezing her breasts, rubbing the
inside of her thighs. Still no reaction. I felt like I was
fondling a rag doll.
Not that I cared. I did not need any response to get
what I wanted.
I eased her down on the bed. She did not resist me
but moved like dead weight, staring straight ahead
and grinding her teeth furiously. “Christ, what a
repulsive sound,” I said, and I thought maybe she was
trying to turn me off enough so I would stop what I
was doing.
I was not going to stop now. She was half naked on
my bed with no one around. I was going to have this
girl. I began removing her pantyhose and she firmly
crossed her legs.
Grinding her teeth and tensing her body were the
only ways she could safely express her fear. Here
was a girl in a dark apartment with a man she had
never met before who could have easily killed her, in
a city that he had described to her as a moral
vacuum. She did not cry, scream, or fight.
The sex lasted about a minute or two, and when it
was over, I had the familiar aftertaste left by
unsatisfying sex. My coercive power, which had been
so relentless five minutes before, was spent. The
manipulative force I’d used had left me empty.
I did not want this girl sleeping in my bed.
I also did not want to walk her home. She sat up in
bed and said she wanted to leave. By now it was four
AM and I could not let her go out alone, even if she
did know how to get back.
“Just sleep over,” I said reluctantly. “You can leave
when it’s light out.” She did sleep over, and didn’t
stop grinding her teeth through the entire night.
My male friends say they have been in similar situations.
One said, “I feel guilty, but what can you do? You try not
to make the same mistake again.”
Others do not see that what they did was wrong.
Another friend told me, “I did something like that once,
but I don’t think it’s rape. Come on, it’s not like you
forced her to have sex with you.”
But didn’t I force her? What constitutes force? Do I have
to threaten her life? Do I have to physically hurt her as
a way of making her submit?
If I were walking in a dangerous and unfamiliar
neighborhood and a man twice my size walked up to me
on a deserted street and said, “Give me your money,” I
would probably hand it over. I would think, “This guy
could easily kill me. He did not threaten me, but merely
demanded I give him something. I could run, but I would
not know where to go for help. I may lose my money
and feel violated, but it is better than having him kill
me.”
I feel now that the power to rape is still inside me. Now,
when I meet a woman and see that she likes me, I am
very cautious not to make the first move. I will talk to
her, still possibly thinking about being intimate with her,
but I will not seduce. I will not try to pull desire out of
her, whether it is there or not.
Even after she makes the first move, and things
progress to sex (now a matter of days or weeks later,
instead of hours), I am far less aggressive and far more
careful in my actions. Until I understand my own power,
I will not use it. I never want to rape again

Four teenagers rape girl, threaten to kill her-Lagos,Nigeria

The Lagos State Police Command has arrested four
boys for allegedly raping a 14-year-old girl in the Mile
12 area of the state.
PUNCH Metro learnt that the suspects, Wale Badejo,
Jubril Yusuf, Olusanya Remi and Wale Oluwafemi, who
are between the ages 18 and 19, allegedly abducted the
victim on her way to school and took turns raping her.
According to the police, the suspects held the victim for
over seven hours and threatened to kill her if she told
anybody about what happened to her.
A member of the victim’s family, who craved anonymity,
said the incident occurred on May 30, 2013.
She said, “She (the victim) told us that one of the
suspects, who also lived in the area, had been making
sexual advances to her for sometime but she always
rebuffed him. The boy (Oluwafemi) and her friends then
vowed to deal with her, calling her a proud person.
“She schools at Maryland and because of the distance
of the school from home, she leaves home around
6:30am every day.
“On the day of the incident, the boys came on two
motorcycles, grabbed her and took her to Oluwafemi’s
house at Agiliti.
“The boys blindfolded her and stuffed her mouth with
cloth. The boys then took pictures of the barbaric act
and made a video recording which they said they would
upload on Facebook. The boys further threatened to kill
her if she told anybody about what had happened.”
PUNCH Metro learnt that when the victim returned
home, she did not inform her parents about what had
transpired for fear of being killed.
It was learnt that a resident, who had seen the rape
pictures on the phone of one of the suspects, reported
the incident to the victim’s parents.
It was learnt that the victim’s mother immediately
reported the matter to the Ketu Police Division and the
suspects were arrested on June 6.
Our correspondent, who visited the victim’s home on
Dada Street, learnt that the suspects had been accused
of similar offences in the past.
A resident, who craved anonymity said, “The boys have
been accused of raping other girls in the area. They
always get away with it and we hope they will be
prosecuted this time.”
The case, however, took a sudden twist when the
victim’s family said they did not want the case to be
taken to court.
The victim’s mother, Iyabo, said, “The families of the
suspects have been begging us since the incident
occurred and we have decided to let the case go.
“I was pained when I learnt my daughter was raped, but
since we are all neighbours and taking into
consideration the ages of the boys, we believe it is best
to forgive and forget.
“One of the suspects is even an orphan and his 75-year-
old grandmother has pleaded with us. For the sake of
peace, we do not want a case anymore.
“My daughter has been taken to hospital for treatment
and so far, no illness has been found in her blood. She
has also received counselling and she will soon resume
school.”
A police situation report made available to our
correspondent by the police ‘B’ operations department
stated that, “On June 6,2013, the mother of the victim
reported at Mile 12 Police Post that the suspects
conspired and had carnal knowledge of her daughter,
who is 14 years old.
“The mother said around 6.30am, when her daughter
was on her way to school, the suspects grabbed her and
forced her into their room at Dada Street and had sex
with her one after the other. They also threatened to kill
her daughter and throw her into the river if she told her
parents.
“The victim said they blindfolded her and covered her
mouth with cloth. The suspects have confessed and will
be charged to court.”
When contacted on the telephone, the spokesperson for
the state police command, Ngozi Braide, lamented the
rise in cases of rape, adding that parents of victims
usually frustrated efforts of the police.
She said, “We have said it many times in the past that
parents of victims are of the habit of perverting the
course of justice by refusing to cooperate with the
police in prosecuting rape suspects.
“Except members of the public rise up against this, rape
will continue.”

Source-Punch Newspapers

American tourist gang-raped in northern India

Shimla (India) – An American tourist was gang-raped by a group of men in a hill resort in northern India, police said on Tuesday, in what is the latest in a series of rapes .

The attack has once again thrown the spotlight on women’s safety in India.

The woman was picked up by three men in a truck late on Monday while hitch-hiking back to her guest house in the

town of Manali in Himachal Pradesh state, police said.

Three men have been arrested in connection with the alleged attack,

Himachal Pradesh police chief B. Kamal Kumar told Reuters Television in the state capital Shimla.

The woman told police her attackers took her to an isolated area and raped her.

The woman was taken to a local hospital for preliminary tests before being taken back to her guest house, said a

local police inspector, who declined to be identified.

“We are in contact with authorities but due to issues of privacy we have no further comment,’’ Peter Vrooman, spokesman for the U.S. embassy in New Delhi, said in an email.

In March, a Swiss tourist was gang-raped while on a camping trip in a forest in the central state of Madhya Pradesh. In

the same month, a British woman jumped out of her hotel balcony in Uttar Pradesh state to escape a possible sexual assault.

Sex crimes are common in India.

The National Crime Records Bureau says more than 24,200 rapes were reported in India in 2011 one every 20 minutes.

The capital, New Delhi, has the highest number of sex crimes among major cities, with a rape reported on average every 18 hours, according to police figures.

Police are investigating the alleged rape of a 21-year-old Irish woman working as a volunteer with a non-governmental organisation in West Bengal at the weekend.

“Women should observe stringent security precautions, including avoiding use of public transport after dark without

the company of known and trustworthy companions,’’ according to a U.S. State Department travel advisory for India.

The gang rape of a 23-year-old trainee physiotherapist on a bus on Dec. 16 in New Delhi, brought thousands of people onto the streets in protest and clashes with police for days to demand better law enforcement to fight gender crimes. (Reuters/NAN)

Rescued By a Ritual Rapist

From the moment I stepped on the bus,I knew something was wrong,up until this moment,I don’t know why I had that feeling,but it just didn’t feel right.

It was the weekend, and I was going home to visit my mum, she had been ill for some days and this was the first opportunity I had to leave school, and go visit her, so immediately after my saturday morning lecture,I rushed down to the hostel,packed up a few clothes and rushed out.

I had been waiting at the bus-park for almost an hour, and I had 2 hour journey ahead of me, so it was only normal for me to feel a bit impatient.

I was about to give up, when a vehicle stopped at the park, I saw some folks rush in, so instinctively I rushed in too, at first I was relieved, but after looking round,a sudden panic enveloped me, the driver looked too neat to be a full time bus driver, and suddenly the passengers were faces I had recognized from the park, I had heard stories of bus operators playing tricks on passengers, they would plant non travelers in their vehicles to give an appearance of the bus being full, and once your fare was paid you would realize you were the only one in the vehicle, and would be forced to wait.

This was not the case, the bus was already moving,my fears were confirmed a few minutes into the journey, the lady behind me stuck a sharp object in my back, she whispered for me to sit still.

Suddenly the bus veered off the main road, onto an untared road,it was bumpy,with a lot of bushes on either side,no other cars in sight,my heart was in my throat,I had heard stories of how people were abducted in this manner, and very few survived to tell the tale.

For every time I thought of how I would die, I never thought I would die this way, at the hands of ritualists, decapitated and left in a ditch somewhere, my identity unknown, I thought of how my mother would react to the news of my disappearance, it would kill her.

As different thoughts ran through my head, the bus suddenly stopped, and I was pushed out along side two other ladies, we were led deep into the bushes were we were asked to sit on the grass, the lady who had stuck me earlier seemed to be their leader, she ordered us to open our bags, she was very angry when she realized we had very little, of course we had little, we were students, heading home for the weekend, with the home of getting more pocket money.

The other girls were led away, and I was left sitting on the grass, I wept, I prayed and so many things ran through my mind, I sat there until night time, the men came back, but the ladies did not, at this point I was horrified, my heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode, the lady walked up to me and dropped a pebble on my head, suddenly she flew into a rage, slapped me and pushed me to the floor, she sat on my stomach and put a knife to my neck, are you a virgin? She asked me, I was so afraid all I could do was nod, she slapped me again and asked the question a second time, are you a virgin? This time I was able to answer in a whispered tone.

I figured obviously whatever they wanted to use me for I wasn’t suited for it, since I was a virgin, but she had a solution to that, suddenly she sat up, called out to one of the men,she turned and smiled at me, don’t worry, I have a boyfriend for you, since you don’t want school boys to “fuck” you, this man will happily “fuck” you, and maybe teach you some new styles.

My God, I was horrified, she ripped off my blouse, and my bra, and he carried me over his shoulder, into a darker part of the bushes, he dropped on the grass and while I was trying to struggle, he brought out an axe and told me to shut up, he ordered me to take off my skirt, and my panties, I was shaking, sweating and crying at the same time,by this time I was stark naked, he pushed me on my back and climbed on top of me.

At the point I said my final prayers and closed my eyes, suddenly he got off me, he took off his over coat and covered me up, he motioned for me not to make a sound, and then he disappeared into the bushes, I sat there still shaking, but confused, suddenly he re-appeared, he asked me to put on my skirt, and he threw a polo shirt at me, he grabbed my hand and led me through another path and unto the main road, he put some money and a flash light in my hands and told me to keep following that path, and not to stop for anything.

I did exactly what he said, and without looking back, I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, I must have run for hours, I finally got to the main road and by then the day was already breaking,I managed to get another bus back to school,I kept mute, because I couldn’t bare the thought of being asked to identify the location,I was lucky to be alive.

It was a horrific ordeal, I strongly doubt if the other two ladies survived,or maybe they did, but up until now, no missing student report has circulated,what happened was nothing short of a miracle, trying to understand the events that happened on that faithful day.

Posted On The Move By The Priest