But Before I Die

Dear World,
It has been months since you allowed an animal walking on 2 legs to violate me, months since I lost my dignity,months since I was able to look at the sun, these days I notice more and more about my feet, since am always staring down at them in shame,anytime I walk down the streets, but don’t worry my ears work fine, I still hear the silent whispers from people who use their eyes and tongues to point at me, and hey they are still the nice ones, others pass soul crushing comments when I walk into a room, or into a class.

I am being blamed for being raped, I can’t wrap my head around it, did I invite a monster to rape me? Do I have a bulls eye on my forehead? Or was there ever a time I put out an ad, indicating I wanted to get raped in a gutter?

O my God, the voices in my head keep getting louder, I feel his hands on my body, I have tried to cut off the parts I feel he has touched, but why do they keep sewing it back up,why do they insist on torturing me, I am now subjected to using a plastic spoon and plate to eat my meals, like food is going to clean my filth.

What wrong did I ever do, to be given such a bitter pill,forced to swallow, and now no matter how hard I try, I can’t get rid of the bitter taste.

He laughed while he forced his way inside me, he cut my vigina with his blade, he said he was a real man, every woman’s dreams, I can hear him loud and clear, he pinned me down in a filthy gutter, he gagged my mouth with a piece of wood, like I was some horse, he told me he knew I liked it rough and hard, so he pushed further, and told me he cut me because I was too tight for him.

He tore my blouse, and put his teeth on my breasts, my pain was his joy, his sweat dripping into my eyes, I feel the burning sensation in my eyes as I write.

He raped my body, he raped my mind, I don’t even think I have a soul left, he abandoned me in a stinky gutter, left in my own filth, people found me, they took pictures, they murmured, but no one touched me.

The police accused me of taunting, that clearly from the way I was dressed, I didn’t leave anything to the imagination, what the hell does that mean, since when does a blouse and a knee high skirt leave nothing to the imagination, the nurses treated me like another skanky girl, who got drunk at a party.

The “boys” in my class called me a slut, who couldn’t handle a good “dick” so I cried rape, the “girls” called me a whore, and said I deserved what I got for being rigid.

Some have tried to help me, but maybe they are right, maybe I deserved to be raped,maybe I should have made myself more available to the guys, maybe I should have “fucked” more men, and satisfied their lusts, maybe it would have been better to be a skank, and stay safe, being otherwise didn’t ensure my safety.

I can feel the voices in my head again, when I lay down, I feel his hands on my body, I need to cut those parts off, even till now I feel his semen marinating inside me like a time bomb waiting to explode, if I had the chance I would cut off my vigina, probably that would get rid of the burning sensation I feel.

Being here is no longer worth it, when you break a leg, people sign your cast and tell you to get well soon

When you get raped, they call you a whore and send you on your way, I give up, yes world, I went out looking for a good time, and I got what I didn’t bargain for, I wanted a “hard fuck” but couldn’t handle this, and so I cried rape.

I will not bother with my words, I don’t care what you think of me, the worst you can do to me now is kill me, but am going to beat you to it.

But I will not give him the satisfaction of my demise, I will fight this, I will flourish, I will regain my dignity, I will regain my sanity, and most of all, I will survive.

By Arome Ameh (The Priest)

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6 thoughts on “But Before I Die

  1. Isaacola AA says:

    Cutting off the head is definitely not the solution yo headache. Don’t even contemplate suicide because the animal that raped you will then have the last laugh.

    Raise your head high and fight it. I am sure you are a fighter and not a quitter.

    Orprah is an example . dont quit sister

    We have rape victims that have turn themselves to victor. Orpr

  2. monalisa says:

    as a woman I read this with my hands btw my legs
    trying to imagine the pain n horror
    my eyes burn with tears as I write
    trying hard to understand why a man would inflict so much pain on a woman u don’t know just for sexual gratification

  3. Timothy says:

    killing your self would make ur attacker the winner
    let society watch you over come this
    and then they will seek your audience for an apology
    stay Strong

  4. kemi says:

    and sadly all we do is read, comment n move on

  5. fragile soul says:

    jeez this was like watching a horror movie
    I could actually hear her from the words
    and sadly there people like her out there who r judged n blamed like this

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