Hi all,this is a first hand account from a victim. She is now almost 20 years old. She grew up in a faith based church. She is a second generation Christian. She has a strong Christian family, with loving parents, and a wonderful younger brother who she is very close with. When she entered her public high school, she chased after the Lord, wanting nothing but to live her life for him. Yet something happened when she started dating luke. He was two years older than her. He was also the son of her youth leader. He grew up without a father in his life, and struggled a lot with feelings of anger and abandonment.
She knew all of these things very well, but have always had such a mercy heart. To this day, no one knows why she didn’t listen to the wise counsel of her family and friends. Maybe she thought she could save him. It was three months into the relationship that she knew deep down in her heart that something was wrong. The emotional abuse was what she saw originally. The way he could manipulate her was amazing. He was a brilliant talker. He was her first boyfriend, so she seemed to think that it was all normal. After about three months, was when the verbal abuse began. By this point, she was so brain washed that she thought she deserved what she got. The more the lies were poured over her, the more she believed that it was true.
All of the horrible names, all the horrible descriptions of who she was. Her character was smashed. She wasn’t eating. She wasn’t seeing her family. She was so isolated. That period she moved into her dorm room at a lovely, private college. She wouldn’t listen to anyone about how she needed to leave him. She was so convinced that everything that was wrong with the relationship was her problem. That as long as she tried a little harder, if she could fix all the things that he said were wrong with her, that luke and her would be fine. Then the physical abuse started. The twisting of her wrist, the smack across her face, the shove to the ground, the hand around her neck. She was so weak. She weighed in at 55 kg at this point. Her fear, her anxiety level was sky rocketing.
She couldn’t keep anything together. She felt so small, so vulnerable. Just a month after she moved into College, her parents withdrew her. They had no idea how horrible it all was, but they knew something was terribly wrong. It took two months after that for luke and her to completely lose contact. She changed her phone number and talked to the police. The longer she was away from him, the more she really saw what had happened. And that is when all of the healing had to start. She started seeing a counselor, and even at this point, almost two years later, she sees her about once a month. Jesus Christ brought her through all of it a lot stronger. She was so angry for a while, not understanding why God let it all happen to her. And she still doesn’t know. She knows it was her own mistake to not listen to the wisdom of her gut, and the wisdom of her leaders, to not have started that relationship with him. I know that though she will never be the same, she is stronger.
She wants to speak out against abuse, to educate leaders in churches about the causes, the signs, and how to prevent it from happening to youth, to adults, to ANYONE. She wants people to realize that it isn’t RARE, that it isn’t something that only happens with the addicted, the poverty struck. That it happens in churches. Just because someone may claim to love Jesus, we are all fallen. Luke was a Christian, but he was messed up all the same. She is a Christian young woman, but the powers of an abusive relationship are deep. They are intense, and they are terrifying. Being an abused young woman is something that will be with you for the rest of your life.
It is baggage that she will take with her into her marriage, and into her future relationships with any man. Yet the Lord’s love is massive, and his healing power is radical. He has brought her so far. And it has been a very long road that has been painful, yet all the same, it has been through. For all the abused women reading this. Maybe you are currently in an abusive relationship, maybe you are healing from one.
Either way, STAY AWAY from your abuser. I know that it’s probably one of the hardest thing you could do right now. They are intoxicating. They are like quick sand. One toe dangled in there, one measly phone conversation, and you are back to square one. CUT IT OFF. It’s the only way you can come out of that fog he has put in your brain. And most of all, CRY OUT TO GOD. He and the other abused women of the world are the only ones who will really understand.